Beachy Beach November Love Note
I have always loved titles of books and just a title can sometimes spark something in me that gives flight to feelings and dreams that I must chase down. I have a hard time understanding that others don’t feel the same extreme burst of passion that comes over me with a great title and a thoughtful prose. It enables me to feel, there is nothing that I can’t do and makes me want to shout AMEN. That is just how I felt when I saw the title of the book by Anne Lamont, Hallelujah Anyway!!! I said, YES that is how I feel about my life right now.
Broken, lonely, scared, grieving yet hopeful, joyful, filled with love and light and YES YES YES, Hallelujah Anyway. At the risk of being completely vulnerable before you and at the risk of sharing more than I should,I want to share a part of me that is probably not isolated to just me. Loosing my husband has been an up and down pile of emotions, that erupts with little or no warning. Sometimes just the strategy of hanging on and the knowledge that others have been here too is all I have for the moment.
I am thankful that I have spent much of my life praying and meditating and reciting scripture and proclaiming all the things I am grateful for. All those things have helped for sure but some days the only thing to do is just give in to the pain and let it wash over me and wait!!! Just wait and pray and believe that this too shall pass.
I know that right now so many in our hometown and surrounding counties are hanging on and hoping and believing and relying on any measure of the faith that they have worked on over the years. Many are depending on the love and the hope of strangers and neighbors and people they would have never met. They are also saying Hallelujah anyway!!!!
So this is where I really get open with you and share the power of unexpected laughter and the light it brings to the darkness. And the beauty is that if I had not been transparent and shared my vulnerability, I would not have found that light and laughter. I was having one of those overwhelming sad days coupled with the reality that there is only so much I can do to help my community, so I shared this via text with Lacey. So let me try to recreate!!
Karen: Thanks Honey, I wish you would use some magic and get honey honey back.
Lacey: Me too followed by lots of hearts.
Karen: I really don’t care about anything right now but I know I will again one day. I do have great hope!!!
Lacey: Why don’t you stay at home with the kids and I will take care of the Christmas party, and we can call you if we have questions. And I’ll tell Carrie we can come tomorrow. How does that sound?
Karen: No lets go see Carrie when the sitter gets here. I need to do things.
Lacey: Okie dokie
Karen: I just keep reciting verses. God is still on the throne and I know that this is a process and I will wait and believe in his grace.
Lacey: That’s good! This is why you’ve been reading scripture and meditating on them. It’s for this season. There is a purpose. Just stay away from verses like, “And he hanged himself”
And laughter that needed to be released came out with an explosion! From the depths of my pain came that spark of joy.
Sometimes it takes a heaping pile of rubble, bumper to bumper traffic in the middle of the day and collapsed roofs, shattered dreams, empty rooms, empty bank accounts, empty stomachs…. along with hearts filled with love for each other, for us to finally see what it is that gives us true meaning and true purpose. It is in these times that we really learn to find a way to work together and proclaim, “Hallelujah Anyway.”
Thanks for being such a wonderful part of my life !!! I love my community and my home!!! And oh how I love Lacey!!